Re: What is your counsel?

Description: Stop smoking, and don't boss people around.

Question: Collectively, what should we be doing?

Transcript: I don’t like collectivism, I just . . . I mean . . . I . . . I don’t think we should be doing anything collectively.  I think it’s just . . . it’s just sort of . . .  We have to, but I think it is kind of death to the human spirit.  I think we need . . .  Collectively, we have to . . .  See I’m . . . I’m so full of shit ‘cause I say it like I’m . . . “blah, blah”, but I don’t mean that at all.  We need collectively, though, to want to reassert our individual rights more; and collectively to tell government and everyone just to back off and just let me do my own thing.  That . . . that needs to be our goal.

Question: What should we stop doing?

Transcript: Stop smoking.  I  . . .  I . . .  It’s cool.  You know, it’s fun.  But we should stop that.  Stop trying to boss people around.  That’s not cool.  That’s just like . . . it’s really frustrating. 

Question: What are we doing right?

Transcript: I think we’re trying.  You know I think that’s right.  I think, you know, we are learning . . .  You know not that we’re learning, but we’re . . .  Up at MIT and Cal Tech, they’re learning every day stuff about the universe that no one has ever fathomed, you know?  I think we are . . .  We are making some very funny stuff to watch on TV . . . some very funny stuff.  I think we’re making some good music.  Maybe this just shows how decadent we are.  But I mean that’s . . .  You can . . .  That is a great part of humanity is that we make these things.  And that is what makes us better than monkeys, you know?  So if that is decadence, well fine.  Our decadence makes poetry.  That’s a good thing.

Question: If you had $100 billion to give away, how would you spend it?

Transcript: Oh that’s good.  I mean I . . . I . . .  I’m not . . . What would I do if I were Bill Gates, you know?  And I’m . . . I don’t . . . I’m not . . . I don’t know if he does enough.  You know if you really have that sort of infinite amount of money, I . . . I think I would build schools.  I think . . . I think . . . I think . . . I think you know my . . . my educational solution is . . . is . . . is a nice school, and every teacher should get $100,000 a year minimum.  And I think you’d get a lot of people who would teach.  You know I think there are a lot of smart people who are most comfortable in a school environment.  But if they thought, “Well I could make a good living doing this,” that’s what they would do.  That would be the first thing I would do is . . . is fund schools.  I’m . . . I’m sure I could   . . .  I’d give every teacher $200,000 salary a year and see what happens.  After that, you know, feeding people.  I also like dogs, so dog shelters.  You know, I’ve also thought like, you know, you have that kind of money, you could sort of make . . .  You could pay to make sort of picture-perfect, pornographic sort of versions of Disney cartoons would be funny, you know.  Or like . . . like a parody of Mad magazine circa 1977.  Like a fake issue, and that would look exactly like the real Mad magazine.  And you would weather it or whatever and just print up 1,000 copies.  And then just sort of sell them around bookstores around the country.  And it would just kind of blow people’s mind.

Recorded on: 9/4/07